wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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