hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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