We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
