with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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