Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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