she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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