he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
