Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
