i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
