remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
