My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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