If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
