I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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