an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
