YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
