somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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