evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Soap is not a condiment
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
