Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I showed him my bush... on skype.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize