we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
