Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
