My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I am naked and annoyed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
