dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
