oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
