if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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