Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
