the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
