i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
