If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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