Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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