I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
