I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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