worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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