i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
