He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
