I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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