You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
