doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
is wine microwaveable?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
