Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
