yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
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