Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
