What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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