3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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