The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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