Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
