dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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