five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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