Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
