I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
