Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
