I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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