And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
