Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
