Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drunk is not a location!
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Text me some of your sweat
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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