Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I'm drive I can fine osifer
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
