I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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