dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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