Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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