this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
