That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
