oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
