well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
