I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
