Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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