Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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