I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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