My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Your penis caused this!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
