I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
